The Christmas Party
by HobbitRanger
Summary: MCers plot to have Cassia and Siobhan write even more angsty fics about Aragorn and Legolas. Takes place in Imladris. VERY AU.
1. Chapter 1

Hi all! Yes it has been awhile since I've showed my face on FFN. Life has been chaotic. Anyways, since I had absolutely no idea what I was doing the first time, I took the first few chapters down, and will post them now.  
  
DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 1  
  
By Coon  
  
Elladan eyed Karine warily. "Are you sure of this idea? I'm not sure Aragorn and Legolas appreciate all Cassia and Siobhan have 'done' for them."   
  
Elrohir joined in, "Yes, and my recent treatment in Curse of Angmar was not very nice either. Father wasn't pleased with those two at all after that episode."   
  
Karine protested, " Oh I know, but that's the point. Haven't you two ever heard of Christmas practical jokes? By throwing a surprise party for Cassia and Sio, we thank them for all the, er, 'entertainment' they've given us, and we make it look like Aragorn and Legolas planned it, so our dear authors will think they actually enjoy all the angst. Therefore, we play the ultimate trick on those two, ensuring that they will have to endure more 'wonderful' fan fiction in the future! Besides, by directing the authors' attention to Estel and the prince, they're not thinking about you anymore!"   
  
Elrohir gaped, "Elladan, why didn't we think of that?   
  
Karine smiled brightly. "Now will you help me? Your help would be invaluable to our cause. Anyways, if you don't, all of us fans will simply BEG Cassia and Siobhan for more of you in the fics. See, you have no choice. Either help us, or be drowned in the storm of fan fiction. What's your decision?"  
  
It didn't take long for the peredhel to decide. They were always eager for a good practical joke, and Elrohir didn't especially want to go deaf again. Elladan grinned conspiratorially. "What would you have us do?"  
  
***** 


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 2  
  
By TrinityTheSheDevil  
  
  
  
Karine chuckled gleefully to herself as Elladan and Elrohir began preparing for the party. The two elves worked diligently, setting out large tables of food in the center of the room. A bowl big enough to hold three grown men was set on the floor and filled with fruit punch.   
  
Kar frowned as they moved away from the punch, tying streamers from the ceiling. A very evil grin formed on her face as she stepped forward, emptying a large - and almost lethal - amount of liquor into the sweet substance. Elladan's eyebrow rose as an evil cackle filled the air; he decided it was best to just ignore it for now, lest he get dragged into something else that could mean his doom.   
  
A ways away, Elrohir cursed as he stood upon a tall wobbly ladder, trying to place a rather heavy bucket of whipped cream above the door. (A surprise for Cassia and Sio, one of which Kar was very excited about...giving them.)   
  
"Having trouble, 'Ro?" Kar asked innocently, walking over.   
  
"Oh no." Elrohir grunted. "I'm just.. having a very nice time...absolutely the most fun thing I've ever done in my entire immortal life."   
  
Kar nodded absent-mindedly, playing with a small screw on the ladder. Tongue between her teeth in thought, she nodded to herself, and gave the screw a good yank.   
  
Elrohir looked comical as he tried to balance on the ladder that was now swaying dangerously, while also holding the vat of whipped cream.   
  
"Oops." Kar blinked, and then hurriedly walked away as the ladder and Elrohir all came crashing down. The whipped cream seemed to hover in mid-air, before it too fell, landing with a loud bang atop Elrohir's head.   
  
Elrohir stumbled upwards, flinging off the bucket. He glared at Kar, his ears turning a violent shade of purple as his chest heaved.   
  
"Get. Out."   
  
Kar blinked. "What?"   
  
"I think we can manage setting up this 'surprise party' ourselves, as you well know. Out. Now." He reached for one of his blades.   
  
"Okay! I get the hint." Kar said, backing out. She noticed Elladan hefting a large inflatable banana over his shoulder, walking across the room. Snickering, she stepped out the door. Oh yes. The party would be good indeed.   
  
*****   
  
The twins sighed in relief as Kar left, looking very grateful for the reprieve. Another door opened into the room, spilling Rhonda, Trin, Cor, Alex, Arquen, and various other MC members. They both groaned in unison.   
  
"Oh good! She found you!" Cor smiled. "We're here to help with the party."   
  
"BANANA!" Trin yelled, rushing off towards the banana that was now suspended from the ceiling.   
  
"And why are you covered in whip cream?" Rhonda asked, leering, while licking her lips and advancing on Elrohir. The younger twin meeped, running behind his brother.   
  
They both wondered if they would actually be ready in time for the party...  
  
***** 


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 3   
  
by Saber  
  
"OK people," Coon waved her hands in the air threateningly, "save it for the actual party."  
  
The MCers took one look at the warning glint in her eyes and reluctantly fell back into line, eyeing the army fatigues she and Saber were wearing while Elladan pried the banana from Trin's grasp, hitting her roundside the head and giving her a sound push.  
  
Coon unfurled a list, which continued rolling…and rolling…and rolling…right out the open door. She cleared her throat, "Ahem…these, my friends, are our marching orders. Rhonda, you and Elrohir are in charge of baking the cake, got it?"  
  
Rhonda nodded, shooting Elrohir an evil grin. Alarmed, the elf cast an imploring look at Coon but she ignored him and continued rattling off her list of party preparations.  
  
"Trin…you will be in charge of supplying drinks. I think Cassia left her credit card on the living room table. Alex..." hands Alex a set of keys, "there's an eighteen wheeler parked out front with fifty cases of instant jello inside and a huge inflatable pool in the back. Get a hose, grab whoever you need to help and get a wrestling pit going ok?"  
  
While Coon kept issuing her orders, Saber walked towards the closet and opened the door, reaching one arm inside and feeling around the various winter coats. She frowned and mumbled, "Where are you?" before yelping and yanking her arm out, sporting a nasty looking bite.  
  
"Why you little…" with a growl she dove head first into the closet. Sounds of a struggle ensued before Kaldur came stumbling out, Saber following a moment later, giving him a sound whack on his rump with her riding crop.  
  
"Ow!" he protested, rubbing his backside with an indignant frown.  
  
"What's he doing here?"  
  
Kaldur shot Wanda a roguish smile, "I'm the life of the party luv…did you expect me not to be here?"  
  
"I've heard he's quite the party animal," Coon stated with a smile.  
  
"He is here to help." Saber clarified. "Against my better judgment I might add…but we could use some assistance."  
  
"I'll say…" the bandit muttered, giving the room a once over and not at all impressed with its current disarray. "Ah well…" he cracked his knuckles, "best get to work. Don't worry mi dears…you just leave it to old Kaldur. This will be a party to remember for YEARS to come. Now…who's going to help an old bandit out?"  
  
The question was greeted with a chorus of shouts in the affirmative and soon the bandit was leading hit troop of helpers away, arm in arm with Arquen and Kar.  
  
Saber snagged Cor out of the group, "Not so fast…" with a conspiratorial grin she handed the MCer a pen and paper, "You and I have some writing to do…"  
  
***** 


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 4 By Wanda and Rhonda  
  
Cor growled as she was so rudely pulled out of the group. "Hey! Why are you depriving me of my fun?" She grumbled and arched an eyebrow at Saber as the paper and pen were thrust into her hands. "What's this?"  
  
Saber leaned over and whispered quietly into Cor's ears and the girl's eyes widened suddenly. Her lips twitched upwards and an evil grin crept slowly into her face. "No way! You're really going to do that?" Cor asked incredulously.  
  
"Not me. Us." Saber replied with a small smirk. "So if something goes wrong, we'll share the consequences." Giving Cor a light shove, Saber ushered the girl into the study and directed her to a desk. Motioning for Cor to sit, Saber took the chair beside her and the two girls began to scribble enthusiastically on the piece of paper.  
  
*****  
  
The hall was in complete disarray. Papers were flying everywhere. Everyone was shouting orders at everyone else and a certain terrified elf was trying to sneak out of the house away from Rhonda.  
  
"Just where do you think you're going?" Rhonda suddenly appeared in front of the fleeing elf and blocked his escape route, standing with her arms across her chest.  
  
"I… uhh… I was thinking maybe… maybe Alex needs help…" the helpless elf stuttered and he searched around frantically for some excuse.  
  
"Nu uh, you're coming with me to bake some cake," Rhonda grabbed Elrohir by his arm and dragged the distraught elf behind her into the kitchen.  
  
The young elf searched the room and he found Wanda looking at him with a lopsided grin. Desperate, he mouthed the words 'help me' but Wanda only threw him a wink and wished him good luck.  
  
*****  
  
All the people went about doing their various assignments and all wondered what Saber and Cor were writing as soft giggles came from the study. Cor hovered over the paper and said, "Does this seem overly strange? Do you think they will run when they read it?"  
  
"We can only hope no," said Saber.  
  
"But how many strippers do you think can survive a party here? They better be strong to pry the others hands off the elves and ranger." Cor said.  
  
Alex had finally finished unloading the boxes of jello from the truck and was looking for someone to help blow up the inflatable pool. She spotted Legolas and dragged him over.  
  
"Can you blow up this pool for me?" she asked with an angelic smile.  
  
Legolas who was always trying to be helpful agreed wholeheartedly. He began blowing and blowing for nearly an hour until he started to feel a little light-headed and his face was turning a dark shade of purple. Alex suggested CPR and the elf quickly regained his color with several quick breaths.  
  
Finally, the pool was ready and Alex started filling the pool with the jello until she heard a screech. She lifted her head just in time to see Wanda sailing across the yard and launch herself at the blond elf who was still trying to catch his breath. Ramming into the panting elf, the two of them went tumbling into the pool.  
  
Legolas squealed for help but Alex could only laugh as she saw Wanda grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Long have you haunted my dreams, elf, but now I have you all to myself! I shall find out the ultimate question - Boxers or Briefs?!" Wanda said with an evil glint in her eyes.  
  
Alex looked on for a second more then decided it might be safer in the house and she wandered in.  
  
*****  
  
"It's almost done Elrohir." Rhonda said as the elf looked on with pleasure. The cake was beautiful indeed.  
  
"Why is there a hole in the top of it?" he asked with a quizzical look on his face.  
  
"You shall find out that in a minute." Rhonda said as she put the finishing touches on it. Then she turned as she heard Cor walking into the kitchen. Waving her over, Rhonda whispered something in Cor's ear and the girl ran squealing from the room.  
  
Elrohir looked at Rhonda and glared at her for he knew she was plotting something and he hoped he was not involved.  
  
Moments later, Cor returned with a bright red thong and a sweet smile. Rhonda turned to the horrified elf and he started to back away as they both steadily closed in on him.  
  
*****  
  
A few moments later Alex wandered aimlessly into the kitchen and saw the cake. "How pretty Rhonda! Good job!"  
  
"Thanks!" Rhonda said and laughed.  
  
"Where is Elrohir at?" Alex asked looking around and not seeing the elf anywhere. Then she eyed Trin in the corner eating a banana on the stool.  
  
"Trin, what have you done with the elf?"  
  
"I didn't do it! I am innocent!"  
  
This produced a big snorting laugh from Alex, Rhonda and Cor. Trin only glared at them and pleaded that she was innocent. "I went to the store to get the drinks. Really." Alex then turned to Rhonda and noticed she was holding a roll of tape. "What's the tape for?"  
  
Rhonda looked to Cor and Cor snickered. She then leaned over and whispered in Alex's ear and waited for a reaction.  
  
Alex didn't look shocked at all but fell upon the floor laughing. When the laughter died, she wiped the tears from her eyes and excused herself claiming that she should go and help pry Wanda off a certain elf.  
  
No one heard the muttering from inside the cake.  
  
***** 


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 5 By Bill the Pony  
  
Bill, in all rights, was not the sort that would be expected to attend parties. There were few things that Bill was actually afraid of, but when a gaggle of girls and ale were then mushed together in one hall together within very, very close vicinity, Bill saw no reason not to admit her reasonable trepidation. This situation could only be made more frightening when you included male elves and rangers of not-so-disagreeable appearance.  
  
This gives you, dear reader, but a taste of Bill's reasoning as to why she had avoided Imladris - of late - like the plague. Could one fault her for scrambling with all haste for the nearest dragon-infested cave to sacrifice herself for a most noble, but unknown cause?  
  
But would a quiet, yet valiant death, be afforded to her.  
  
Bugger it all, no.  
  
Alex, bearing all good intentions dislodged that 'certain elf' from one such girl's claws, had not figured upon finding a night-clothed Bill slinking in the bushes towards the gates. She had also embarked with equally good intentions to retrieve the skulking Bill from the shrubbery. Bill after all was known to be the odd sort that found cacti excellent backscratchers and enjoyed the pleasures of mud rolling. These activities had more than once found our hero in more than one predicament of a "Tight Spot."  
  
So with a spring to her stride and feeling much redeemed from her earlier sins involving another 'certain elf', she set off to aid the gangly creature from the bushes.  
  
Bill, on the other hand, was for once not stuck between a rock and a mushy place, as we know. Upon hearing giggles and cackling (that sounded suspiciously like Trin or Cor), Bill had taken all haste to escape that instant. Who knew what vile and generally nasty things they were scheming for those poor, abused souls. Yes, yes, get out while she still could and avoid those filthy things called "huggles".  
  
Bill shivered.  
  
Then Alex came.  
  
Bill squealed.  
  
Then Alex hoisted.  
  
Bill squealed yet some more.  
  
Alex said, "You noisy brute, what do you think you were trying to do this time? Pick your nose with a rose bush?"  
  
Bill squirmed.  
  
Alex, who was quite strong despite her not-at-all bulky appearance, chortled and gave Bill a shake. "After all these years, you just don't learn, do you?"  
  
Bill whimpered.  
  
"Gee," Alex commented after studying the specimen before her with keen, physiologist-like eyes, "it almost seemed like you were trying to run away from something." She tapped her chin, a foreboding glint flickering in her left eye while a very distinctly evil one glittered in her right. "Golly, I wonder what it could be."  
  
Then it came.  
  
The huggle.  
  
A scream, worse yet than any scream to be heard in Imladris since Estel found Glorfindel "murdering" rats, shattered what semblance of calm might still be hazarding the residence.  
  
"Get off! Let off you overgrown Disney spawn!" More screaming. Alex held on gamely. It was better than any rodeo seen on these shores.  
  
That is assuming they had rodeos.  
  
Alex had broken the record, 7.8 seconds.  
  
*****  
  
It was a very dejected Bill that was dragged back into the kitchen after being none to gently forced into service in the saving of yet another "certain elf" from Wanda's clutches. 7.8 seconds. She must be getting old. That was the only explanation. Surely, honestly. Hopefully.  
  
"Billy!"  
  
Bill cringed, practically flinging herself under the low table the cake sat on like a great, bloated toad.  
  
"Hmm, downright twitchy today, isn't she?" Rhonda tapped her front teeth, observing the quaking mass under the cake.  
  
"Don't tell me - you huggled her."  
  
Alex shrugged innocently at Cor's assumption. "What possibly would make you think that?"  
  
"Well, besides the wide, glazed eyes, the froth foaming at the corners of the mouth and the highly springy nature - nothing at all."  
  
"Just ignore her for the time being, she'll come back to reality in a few decades." Alex went on to report that her mission had been successful, that Wanda had been removed and Legolas was undamaged - for the most part.  
  
"I do wonder," Trin mused aloud, pondering the mighty cake. "Do think there's room?" Then there was a moment of silence and a glazed look came over her eyes. "Banana." she breathed, her gaze catching the fruit bowl.  
  
Next came a mess of fruit, tape, and loud screeches, ensuing a great effort to restrain the banana crazed Trin from the fruit. Bill was not even cognizant of the happenings. In fact, life was looking up - quite literally.  
  
Icing, (after all, it was one of her greatest weaknesses - besides chocolate), forming a puddle a few inches from tongue reach. The slathering mess on the cake was slowly oozing off, dripping ever so slowly, but oh so temptingly into a larger puddle.  
  
The smell was to Bill as blood is to a shark.  
  
Soon, not only that puddle, but also part of the lower, right portion of the cake was licked dry.  
  
The icing was all but gone, and there were already numerous clumps bitten from the cake itself when Bill bit through the middle ring and found--  
  
--A pair of wide, elvish eyes.  
  
*****  
  
With Trin quite securely mummified in duct tape, Cor gave a sigh of relief and stepped back from their accomplishment. There was a thunk as the banana crazed Trin toppled over. "Okay, who left the fruit bowl in here? Rhonda? Didn't I warn you about that?"  
  
But Rhonda was not shamefaced in the least. Cor followed her dumbfounded gaze to where the amazing cake should have been.  
  
Should have been.  
  
The beautiful cake, in all its rotund glory, looked little as it used to be. The entire top portion appeared to have been imploded.  
  
"My cake!" Was Rhonda's lament.  
  
"My elf!" Was Cor's lament.  
  
"Mm mfmfmmf!" Was Trin's lament - translated roughly into "My banana!"  
  
Alex only laughed.  
  
*****  
  
What had happened was this. After seeing the eyes, Bill had given a small grunt and poked at them with two fingers. A small yelp. Bill poked again. Another one. Again she poked. Another squeak. Did she see a pattern here?  
  
As the gears started to squeak back to life, one new figure appeared in the doorway, slightly hunched over and wearing a much too large cloak. He hustled in, ducking behind the remainder of the cake.  
  
"Pst!"  
  
Bill continued to poke.  
  
The man (because only men grew whiskers - excluding the few woman and elves that had this prickly trait) hissed again, poking his head around the table. "Pst! You, yes you, the twitchy one. It is not as if there's anyone else I could be talking to."  
  
"Well," huffed a strained voice from what sounded to be inside the cake, "there could be me. And do hurry up and get me out of this cursed cake before I have no more eyeballs to enjoy the scenery with?"  
  
Bill glanced up, and then went back to poking at the eyes.  
  
"Not unless you promise me something." Estel hissed again, continuing to prod at the unresponsive Bill.  
  
"Anything! Just set me free, or put me out of my misery!"  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"Aye! Aye! Now get me out!"  
  
Aragorn jabbed Bill. "Come on now, miss, won't you help -"  
  
He never got a chance to finish. Upon the word "miss", Bill launched herself at his throat. "Do not, in any situation, call me 'miss'."  
  
"Gu gurgh." This translates to, "Yes Twitch."  
  
Two minutes later, under the cover Bill's bathrobe and Aragorn's voluminous cloak, Elrohir was on his way to the safety of Aragorn's private chambers.  
  
***** 


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 6  
  
By Kellen  
  
"I knew better than to be late."   
  
Kellen looked around. No one was around to hear that rather profound statement. "Story of my life. No was around to see me dispatch the hill troll, so no one's gonna believe that one either."  
  
"Say what?"  
  
Kellen jumped and spun -- no mean feat that, spinning in mid-air -- and landed, hand over heart, eyes wide and breathing ragged. Bill, along with two cloaked and hooded figures, blinked at her. "You dispatched a hill troll?"   
  
Kellen shook her head. "Told you." She peered at the hooded figures, noting with some amusement that they shrank back from her. She reached out and lifted the hem of the hood. "Well, El-something or other."  
  
"-Rohir, Kellen. I'm Elrohir."  
  
"Ah, cool. Still have trouble with you two, you know that right?"  
  
"I do now. Can we go now please?"  
  
"And leave me alone in the hallway, by my lonesome self? You can't do that. Not with them around!"  
  
Elrohir shuddered, but rounded on Kellen. "I'm sure you can handle them."  
  
"We must go."  
  
Kellen eyed Aragorn, and then turned to Bill. "Bill you keep some amazing company, you know that? What're you doing with them?" She paused. "Wait, don't answer. I KNOW these people. So, what's up?"  
  
Bill narrowed her eyes. "I thought you didn't want to know."  
  
"No, I don't. So, what's up?"  
  
Bill, through long association with Kellen, quickly deciphered the real question. "I'm not telling you where Legolas is. Then he'd need rescuing -- again -- and I'd be spending the entire time rescuing people. Not doing that."  
  
"Bill!" Kellen whined. Seeing the look on Bill's face, she relented. "Hmph. Right, then. All the action's in the kitchen anyways." She shoved past Elrohir, then stopped and looked into his face. "Are you barefoot?" She turned to Bill. "He's barefoot." She looked down again. "And bare legged to the knee, at least."  
  
Bill whirled on Kellen, shoving her against the wall. "Don't breathe a word. I've had it up to here with rescues."  
  
"Don't make me hug you."  
  
Bill dropped Kellen.  
  
"Right, then. Under pain of death, whatever.... Yadda, yadda, yadda... not a word about the whereabouts of Elrohir and Aragorn." Kellen blinked at Elrohir. "Not that I'm curious or anything..."  
  
Elrohir sighed, but it was Aragorn, a devilish glint in his eye, who answered. "A red thong."  
  
"A wha-"  
  
Bill rolled her eyes. "Leaving now."  
  
"ESTEL!"  
  
Kellen was left giggling in the hallway.  
  
*****  
  
Kellen jogged toward the kitchen -- it was after all where most of her stories have some sort of action. Someone once said that that spoke to some weird psychological need. She should have known better, what with all the MCers around, to watch what she was doing. She rounded a corner and ran into a gaggle of MCers; headed up by Arquen, Kar and a man Kellen thought was wonderfully familiar. She managed to avoid Arquen, bumped squarely in Kar, and ricocheted into the man. They both went down, a tangle of arms and legs.  
  
The world was still spinning when Kellen heard "Where's me hat?"  
  
To which she responded, "Haven't a clue. Elrond needs carpeting. And padded walls." Not really inclined to get up anytime soon (Kellen would forever vehemently protest that it was because of the man she found herself laying on; it was because that was one hard hit. Really!), she blinked at the man. "Kaldur DeCahr."  
  
"Aye, luv. Kaldur DeCahr."  
  
Kellen stuck out her hand. "Pleasure."  
  
Smiling he shook it.   
  
"Kellen! Off my man."  
  
Kar turned to Arquen. "Your man?"  
  
Kellen sat up, a pout firmly in place. "Never get any respect."  
  
Kaldur raised an eyebrow. "Why would ya want that?"  
  
"Never mind." Kellen shook her head. "First Aragorn and Elrohir..."  
  
All commotion stopped. "Aragorn's here?" someone squealed.   
  
Kellen's eyes went wide. "Oh, dear. Oh, my, oh, dear, dear..."  
  
"Ye might wanna run, luv."  
  
Kellen didn't bother looking at Kaldur. "Yeah. That's an idea."  
  
MCers surrounded her. "Look, guys, I promised..."  
  
"Get her!" So many voices yelled the words, no one was sure who shouted first, or who made the first move. Kellen scrambled, crab-walking backward for a few steps before managing to get to her feet and running for all she was worth down the hallway.  
  
"We have a party," Kaldur, Arquen and Kar still on each arm, heard. "Guys, there's a party here that needs preparation." There was a series of loud noises, some yelps and screams and then, "Kaldur! Please, a little help!"  
  
Kaldur glanced at the girls on his arms, then down the hallway. "Sorry, luv," he yelled back. "I got me priorities!"  
  
*****  
  
Ten minutes later found Kellen still trying to get to the kitchen -- she could have really used a pastry -- plotting revenge on a certain bandit who left her hanging, dodging any and all MCers, lest they be ones who knew she knew that Aragorn was around. By the valar, she didn't even know where they were headed!  
  
She ducked through a door, honestly not caring where it led, as long as she was clear of all irate MCers, and would have bumped into someone had they moved at the last second.  
  
"Kellen?"  
  
Kellen eyed the tall dark haired elf. "You've got to be Elladan."  
  
"I thought you couldn't tell us apart."  
  
"You're not wearing a red thong."  
  
Deciding not to ask, Elladan instead closed the door. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Hiding. Do you have any food? This party's never gonna get started."  
  
Elladan grinned. "That's where you're wrong, Kellen, my dear. Come with me."  
  
Kellen followed him to another door, where he stopped and gestured her forward. "I'll cover your back."  
  
She nodded and opened the door, only to find her world suddenly turned dripping purple. Kellen screeched. "My own paint trick! What did I ever do to you? I turned Elrohir's hair purple, not yours!"  
  
Elladan grinned. "Thought you couldn't tell us apart."  
  
Kellen, heedless of the danger from annoyed MCers, chased Elladan into the hallway, screeching bloody murder all the way to the main room.   
  
***** 


	7. Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 7  
  
By Coon with tiny touches by Bailey Shekelz  
  
Coon sighed. Ever since Karine had come up with this crazy idea, she had been all for it. She didn't know why; she just liked the idea of playing tricks on people. Especially a certain elf and ranger. Plus, it just might prompt the masters of ranger and elf torture to post their newest fic, Tears Like Rain, early. Probably not, but it was worth a try. Then something had hit a snag. Trin was in a banana stupor, and Elrohir had escaped to who knew where. And some elves had reported sights of a purple haired monster roaming Rivendell. To top it all off, she was now being called for an audience with Elrond. Great. Just perfect.   
  
Coon glanced about her as she entered the library, where Elrond had asked they meet.   
  
"What exactly were you thinking?" Elrond glared at her.  
  
"Well, er, you see, it wasn't exactly my idea. I just helped it along a bit. Karine is really the one you want to talk to."  
  
The Lord of Imladris chuckled. "Nice try. However, it will not explain why there is an inflatable swimming pool filled with jello in the rear gardens. Or why Legolas refuses to come out of his room. Or why…"  
  
The elf went on, stating all the strange things that had been happening in the valley. "Why was I not told of this plan?"  
  
Coon decided she might as well be honest about it. Elrond probably already guessed the reason. "We didn't want you to know about it. We feared that your, um, love for Estel and Legolas would prevent us from having a bit of fun."  
  
"Ms. Coon, you misjudge me. I love a good practical joke just as much anyone. I just prefer to know about it before hand."  
  
Coon stared in astonishment.  
  
"Do not look so surprised, young one. I may be over 6,000 years old, but I was an elfling once. Elros and I spent many afternoons devising plots against Ereinion and Cirdan. I would like to help, provided what the esteemed authoresses do with the two trouble seekers is not too severe. I might even lend you a few pillows." There was an evil glint in Elrond's eye that Coon had never seen in the serious elf lord before. Well, for the little time of his life she had known him at least.   
  
BANG!  
  
The door slammed as Elladan ran into the room.   
  
"Hide me! Quickly, she is not far behind!"  
  
"Calm down, ion nin. Who is behind you, and why must you hide?"  
  
"Uh, the reason is not important right now, but Kellen is trying to kill me!" Elladan noticed Coon was present. "Ada, what are you doing? This girl is in league with Kellen! They are planning a disaster! Forbid them to touch anything. They are nothing but destructive."  
  
Coon snickered. "Too late. He's already offered his services, and his pillows. Besides, you told Karine that you and Elrohir would help us. Unless of course you prefer spending Christmas with the orcs. I'm sure Cassia and Sio would be happy to oblige." Coon pulled out her cell phone and started dialing.  
  
"NO! Wait! I'll still help, I promise. But before Kellen was trying to kill me, she mentioned something about Elrohir and a thong…"  
  
"WHAT???!!!" Coon screeched. "I must go have a talk with Kellen. She must have had a knock on the head from that hill troll."  
  
"Things are getting out of hand, madam. I suggest you remedy the situation quickly if you still want my help." Elrond warned.  
  
Coon hurriedly left the room, leaving Elladan and Elrond shaking their heads.   
  
"Did she say 'hill troll'?"  
  
"I don't even want to know, my son."  
  
*****  
  
"Kellen! Is that you, mellon nin?"  
  
The purple haired girl growled. "Yes, it's me. Where is that filthy elf?"  
  
Coon laughed. "You mean Elladan? He is in counsel with Lord Elrond, so I do not suggest seeking your revenge at this moment. I need to talk to you."  
  
"Talk fast. A certain peredhel and I have an appointment."  
  
"Elladan said you mentioned something about Elrohir and a thong. What exactly is going on?"  
  
"Oh, I have no idea. Bill is the one you want to talk to. She was actually there. Now, to find Elladan…"  
  
"Wait. You must take me to Bill. Besides, if you know where Elrohir is, it's not safe for you to be in the open."  
  
"Oh, alright. I had forgotten that. Come on, Bill is guarding Elrohir, who is in Aragorn's chambers."  
  
"Aragorn? Why is he with Aragorn? Isn't he the one we're plotting against? He's not supposed to help us."  
  
"He'll have to tell you that. Bill, Aragorn, and Elrohir left before I could get anything out of them."  
  
*****  
  
Two women rode into the courtyard of Imladris and glanced around.  
  
"Where is everyone, Sio? They should be here to greet us. We told them when we would get here."  
  
The co-authoress sighed. "I should have known. They're planning something. We leave them without a story to read for one minute, and they're into some horrible scheme."  
  
"Poor Estel. Poor Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir. Wait, what am I saying? Poor us! They've probably set booby traps all over this place!"  
  
"Cassia, who did Coon say would be here for Christmas? We need to have a sense for what we're dealing with."  
  
"She told me just a 'few' friends. I have a feeling she under exaggerated. Bill and Kellen are probably here. I know Bill wouldn't miss a chance to have chocolate, and Kellen is probably looking for some food fic ideas. She always seems to take a type of food, and ensure that I can never eat it again without laughing."  
  
"Yes, first it was cheese, and then she just HAD to make sure the taste of cake was always tainted too. All for the sheer joy of making us spit food over the computer screen." Siobhan snorted.   
  
"Well now's our chance to get her back for it. IF we can actually find someone who can tell us what's going on." Cassia looked around once more. "We've been here for five minutes already, and I've not seen one single elf, man, or bandit."  
  
"Bandit?"  
  
"Of course. You should know Kaldur would never miss a chance to aggravate Legolas. When he heard the poor prince was going to be here, there was no stopping him, invitation or no."  
  
The two girls warily climbed the steps and entered Rivendell's foyer, unaware that their presence had been reported.  
  
*****  
  
"All right people! We don't have much time! Cassia and Siobhan have arrived, and this party is nowhere near to being finished." Saber waved her hands, trying to calm the MCers down. "Now, Lord Elrond has offered his assistance, provided we don't go to far. I'm not quite sure where Coon is at the moment, so Elrond and I will be in charge."  
  
The confused fans finally stopped talking, and got down to the business at hand, creating a party.  
  
***** 


	8. Chapter 8

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 8  
  
By Trin and Kar  
  
Trin peered around the room, wiggling slightly. She was still, unfortunately, wrapped in tape. And there, a few feet in front of her, was a banana. Someone had knocked it from a counter in their haste to finish getting the party ready.  
  
Trin wiggled, trying to get loose. Valar the tape was annoying! Sighing in exasperation (as much as possible around the gag), she tried calling for help.  
  
"Mmmffffmmmmoooo!"  
  
She paused. 'Moo?!' Oh gods she hoped nobody heard that...  
  
"Moo?" A familiar voice said.  
  
Trin whacked her head on the floor.  
  
"Well, well, well..." Legolas' feet appeared in Trin's line of vision. "Look what the warg dragged in..."  
  
"Mmmffoooooo!" Trin glared at his feet. Somehow, she thought the effect was lost on him.  
  
She was suddenly airborne, yanked upwards and hung on a nearby meat hook. Legolas reached down, picking up the banana. He eyed it, then looked at Trin.  
  
"I believe there is a phrase you are immensely fond of..." Legolas said.  
  
Trin raised an eyebrow, (one that wasn't covered in tape), waiting for the reply.  
  
Legolas leaned in and whispered in her ear with a menacing voice. "Payback's a bitch."  
  
*****  
  
A few rooms away, everyone was following the orders given by Elrond and Saber. The party was coming together quite well. (As long as they could keep Kaldur away from the rum, that is.)  
  
Thil even dropped in to help. While several servants were off in the court yard distracting Cassia and Sio, a job of which they absolutely feared, everyone else scrambled to get the food, drink, and decorations done.  
  
From a dark, foreboding corner, a phone rang. (How a phone came to be in Imladris is a question we will ponder for many a day. But then again, someone brought an eighteen wheeler and inflatable pool full of jello. Stranger things have been known to happen.)  
  
Alex, Rhonda, Arquen, and Saber scrambled to answer it, clawing at each other's faces like rabid cats. Glorfindel stood a few feet away with a bow drawn, wondering which he should shoot; the evil device of Mordor, or the women?  
  
Rhonda ended up the victorious winner, answering the phone with a breathless "Yeah?"  
  
Her face was pinched when she hung up. "The strippers can't make it." A long drawn out sigh. "I'll just have to make do then."  
  
Glorfindel did NOT like the look in Rhonda's eyes as she advanced on him.  
  
*****  
  
-Meanwhile-  
  
Elladan strode into the room, carrying a large basket of fruits. (Void of bananas, for safety's sake.) His foot slipped as it landed on a wet spot on the floor. Brows raised, he followed the trail of what appeared to be water. The trail ended at Kar and Cor, who were currently looking up Kaldur's loose pants as he stood on a ladder, stringing up lights.  
  
Elladan shifted the basket, waving a hand in front of their faces. No reaction. He sighed.  
  
"Kaldur!"  
  
Kaldur jumped, glaring down at Elladan. "Aye?"  
  
"Would you please, for the love of Elbereth, GET DOWN FROM THERE?!"  
  
A puzzled expression fluttered across the bandit's face, before he laid eyes on the two drooling, comatose women.  
  
"Ah. Right then." He nodded and jumped from the ladder, landing lightly beside Elladan.  
  
Elladan sighed again. It was going to be a long night.  
  
*****  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO BE STRIP SEARCHED?!" Cassia's voice rang across the courtyard, making the two servants in front of her wince.  
  
Eldian glared at Landorn, who had meekly ordered the strip search.  
  
Sio's eyes were like ice. "No." The word was a knife, cutting through the air with lethal accuracy.  
  
"But..but..but.." Eldian stuttered. They were ordered to stall Cassia and Sio until someone gave a signal the party was ready.  
  
"I..have..a...PENCIL!" Cassia threatened. The two servants gulped. They did NOT want to be on the receiving end of Cassia, nor Sio's, torture. It wasn't worth it.  
  
So, doing the only thing that two, brave, strong, loyal servants of Elrond could do in a situation like this...  
  
...Both turned and fled.  
  
Cassia grinned to Sio. "Now, lets see what they're up to, eh?" They walked into the main room, laughing to themselves.  
  
*****  
  
Their amusement was cut short when they set foot into the room. Most of what they were seeing could be described as hilarious, but right now they were downright confused.  
  
Everyone looked up as Cassia and Sio walked in, surprise evident in all their faces.  
  
"Uhm. Cassia! Sio! SURPRISE!" Elrond yelled, a false smile appearing on his features. "I'm going to kill those two servants as soon as I lay eyes on them..." He muttered around the smile.  
  
Cassia looked around the room. Glorfindel was trussed and tied, clad in a very revealing bunny outfit, of which included nothing but a pink tutu, whiskery nose, floppy ears, and a   
  
cotton tail. Rhonda held the rope attached to his waist, cackling evilly every so often.  
  
**********Ten minutes before C&S arrival************  
  
Kar was about to go after Kaldur when she realized that she hadn't seen Trin in a while. Where could she be, its not like she could have crawled that far away as taped as she was???   
  
Kar, venturing a guess, headed for the kitchen, and saw her friend, in a dire position.   
  
Legolas had unceremoniously hung Trin on a meat hook, and was advancing on her, with that dangerous look in his eyes usually reserved for the orcs, or Estel and the twins when they   
  
played pranks on him.   
  
Kar mentally skimmed over her "How to make a pissed elven prince go away 101" class and found the perfect solution.   
  
"LEGOLAS, WATCH OUT, FAN GIRLS ARE COMING!"  
  
Legolas forgot all about the hung girl and fled for his life, without waiting to see if it was true or not. The fact that the voice was coming from Kar completely went over his head and the cackle that she let out didn't reach his ears, despite his superior elven hearing. Trin let out a sigh of relief when Kar removed the tape she had over her mouth, only to yelp in pain when the rest of it was cut down and she met the ground, hard and fast.   
  
Kar, not wanting to be on the receiving end of glares and curse words, immediately said,   
  
"Trin, if you hurry to the main room, I *think* there is still one banana left."  
  
There was nothing left to say, the word 'banana' and 'main room' were sufficient to send Trin in a mad dash for the main room, followed by Kar a little slower.   
  
*****  
  
When Kar set foot into the Main room, she noticed that Cor was hovering a little too close to *her* bandit, so she swiftly made her way to them.   
  
Soon enough, Cor was in a far corner of the room, duct taped from head to toes, while Kar was comfortably sitting next to Kaldur.  
  
*****  
  
It was this time that Cassia and Sio had entered.  
  
"Cassia, Sio, please. Have some punch!" Elrond ladled up two cups full of the strange, glowing blue punch.  
  
Cassia blinked at it, then shrugged to herself, downing it in one gulp. Sio followed suit. Both refilled their cups three more times before they headed off towards the designated dance floor.  
  
Coon, who had quickly left Aragorn's chambers after the sight of Elrohir in a thong, stepped over to Cassia, and paused. She sniffed the air, then looked at Sio, who was swaying on her feet.  
  
"YOU TWO ARE DRUNK!"  
  
Cassia hiccupped as Sio flopped bonelessly onto the floor. "We only *hiccup* had so-*hiccup* me punch. *hiccup*"  
  
Coon glared around the room. "WHO SPIKED IT?!" She gave a pointed look to Kaldur, who currently had his arms full of a too-innocent looking Karine.  
  
Everyone glared.  
  
"What?" Kar said, adjusting her halo. Elrond's eye twitched slightly, taking in the wobbling form of Cassia, and Sio who was on the floor.  
  
Kar looked at Kaldur, then at the angry mob. "I suggest we go elsewhere...like...NOW!"  
  
"I have to agree." Kaldur said, and was swept up with Kar as the two rushed off down the hall.  
  
***** 


	9. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 9  
  
By Saber  
  
"This is nothing short of a disaster…" Saber mumbled through the hands her face was currently buried in. Peering through her fingers she winced and closed her eyes again when a very tipsy Cassia tripped over Sio and joined her co-author on the floor.  
  
Nothing could go right around here….nothing! By the Valar this was supposed to be an open and shut case…clean cut…no snags…where did they go so wrong??   
  
Oh, right, they were dealing with MCers. They should have known better.  
  
Uttering a longsuffering sigh that would make even King Thranduil proud, Saber squared her shoulders and raised her head, surveying the room with a critical eye. //Things could be worse// she decided. //Where there's a will there's a way…this party may just be salvageable…//  
  
With her mind set and plans to rescue the pitiful remains of their tattered plan firmly in place, the young woman marched up to Elrond. The elf looked rather…peeved. Obviously he wasn't happy at the turn things had taken ether.  
  
"Elrond…we need to talk."  
  
"I think we need a lot more then that…"  
  
Saber inclined her head, conceding his point, "True, there is much a tranquilizer gun and some handcuffs would cure…but we'll just have to make do. Here's my plan…"  
  
A sly grin spread across the elven lord's face as she whispered hurriedly in his ear. "Yes…" he nodded, "yes, that just may work."  
  
*****  
  
Aragorn and Elrohir yelped as two sets of hands grabbed them and pulled them through the doorway.  
  
"No Rhonda!" Elrohir hid his face and visibly trembled, "I won't wear the thong!"  
  
"Calm down my son…Rhonda is…elsewhere…"  
  
The young elf tentatively raised his eyes, "Ada?" he sighed and sagged against Aragorn in relief, "Oh thank the Valar…I thought you were—"  
  
"I know," Elrond cut him off. The lord of Imladris flashed his son a smile that was meant to be comforting but wound up coming across slightly depraved in nature. It might have been that gleam in his midnight blue eyes, but whatever it was, it made his sons gulp and take a few steps back.  
  
"We have work to do." Saber continued for the elf, eyeing him a bit suspiciously herself. He was having too much fun with this. "Elrohir we need you to—wait a minute…what thong??!"  
  
Aragorn snickered as Elrohir began to tremble again.  
  
Saber turned red, "They put you in a THONG???" She stared as the peredhel nodded miserably and shrugged deeper in his cloak. A vein in her forehead began to throb. Her left eye twitched. Then she fell to her knees laughing hysterically. "You…you poor thing…" she choked out between helpless giggles.  
  
Elrond was really confused at this point…and he was debating the wisdom of even asking. But eventually curiosity won him over against his better judgment. And he really did want to know what could possibly cause such a reaction from his warrior hearted son. "What is this 'thong' you people speak of?"  
  
The question only caused Saber to laugh harder and Aragorn was showing signs of joining her. Elrond arched one dark eyebrow and gave Elrohir a quizzical look.  
  
"Unspeakable evil father…" the elf shuddered for good measure, "these vile things must have been made by the hand of Melkor himself."  
  
"They aren't THAT bad…" Aragorn protested.  
  
Elrohir narrowed his eyes at the human, "I don't see YOU wearing one!"  
  
"True…"  
  
"Enough." Elrond's commanding voice broke in. "It can wait. As Saber said we have work to do. Elrohir…you and Aragorn will find Legolas. Keep the two of them out of sight till we signal you. Understood?"  
  
The elf nodded, "Yes Ada. Where are the two of you going?"  
  
Elrond dragged the still chucking Saber to her feet and flashed them another grin, "To the herb room."  
  
*****  
  
"Do we have everything?"  
  
"I believe so…" Elrond shoved a few more herbs in the velvet satchel he held and drew the cords taunt, sliding it onto his arm and snatching up two pieces of soft white fabric in the same fluid motion.  
  
"Great, let's go." Saber lifted a steaming kettle from the fireplace and nodded to her companion. Together they hurried back to the main room. Chaos greeted them.   
  
Somehow, someone had convinced Cassia and Sio to do the chicken dance which, in their intoxicated state, was a rather…disturbing sight. Apparently Halo had joined in just for the heck of it. Kaldur was dangling from the chandelier with Coon hanging from his ankle threatening to bite him. Trin had gotten the giant inflatable banana down from the ceiling and was beating Kar over the head with it.  
  
Elrond shook his head, "This is worse then the time Glorfindel spiked Galadriel's wine before the midwinter festival."  
  
Saber arched a brow (she'd been watching Elrond like a hawk to perfect this action and was becoming quite good at it) and set the kettle down on the nearest table only to snatch it back a moment later when a giant rubber ball crashed into the table. //Where did THAT come from?//   
  
"Darn it…" Elrond mumbled, "This means I lost the bet with Thranduil."  
  
"Remind me to ask later what on earth you're talking about. Where should we set up?"  
  
The elf gestured towards an out of the way corner and the two hurried over, dodging party guests, the big red bouncy ball, and random pieces of fruit. Riffling through his satchel, Elrond chose several brightly colored herbs and laid them aside. Pulling a mortar and pestle from somewhere in his flowing silver sleeves the elf lord carefully ground several of each herb and cast them into the kettle. He soaked the strips of cloth they had brought in the herbal water for several minutes then handed one to Saber and stood.   
  
"Be careful not to breathe the fumes yourself," he warned.  
  
Saber nodded and turned her gaze to the impromptu dance floor. Silent as shadows (which really wasn't much of a feat considering the amount noise bouncing off the walls) the elf and the woman darted towards their prey. Cassia and Sio never knew what hit them. One moment they were animatedly acting out a scene from 'Spaceballs'…the next they were seeing stars, sweet smelling cloth pressed firmly against their mouths and noses.  
  
Elrond and Saber gently lowered the co-authors to the floor. Well…actually Elrond was quite delicate with Siobhan, hooking his arms around her waist as she went limp and following her down to the carpeted floor…Saber on the other hand completely lost her grip on Cassia once the potent drug took effect and kind of dropped her. She winced at the loud 'thud' and thanked her lucky stars that the vengeful authoress was already unconscious. As an afterthought she kicked Cassia's pencil under a nearby couch. No sense taking chances.  
  
The two continued around the room, drugging the MCers who had gotten at the spiked punch. Elrond had to take down a guard as well; the raven-haired elf was hitting on Wanda. She didn't really seem to mind the attention and glared at Elrond when he dragged the archer away.  
  
Saber, meanwhile, was eyeing Trin and her banana and firmly decided that enough was enough. Sneaking up behind her, she got the other woman in a headlock, and with a surprised yelp found herself flat on her back staring up at one wickedly grinning TrinityTheSheDevil.   
  
She breathed a sigh of relief when Elrond appeared behind Trin and promptly drugged her.   
  
"Thanks."   
  
"Don't mention it."  
  
Saber and Elrond surveyed the room, looking for anyone else to drug. However, they missed the five girls who sneaked out of the room.  
  
"Time for phase two."  
  
"Ah ah ah…" Saber pushed herself to her feet and brandished a large pin that sparkled wickedly in the firelight, "First thing's first." With one quick jab she popped the large inflatable banana. She would not doubt pay for that later…but some sacrifices must be made for the good of man--and elfkind.  
  
"NOW it's time for phase two."  
  
***** 


	10. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 10  
  
By Wanda and Rhonda  
  
Little did Elrond know that there in the storeroom plotting sat Karine, Cor, Rhonda, and Wanda.   
  
"I think they have left to take Cassia and Sio to another room." Karine said carefully peaking out the door. Now we need a plan to find out what they know."   
  
"I will go and see if I can find Coon." Alex said   
  
"Good but take someone with you to help."   
  
Alex left out the door dragging Rhonda in tow. They had not made it far when they spotted the Mirkwood elf. Rhonda was about to lunge for the elf but instead Alex held her back.   
  
"Wait watch this." Alex whispered throwing something into the room so that the elf looked up and spotted them. At that moment Legolas saw Rhonda and shuddered, almost as if he were cowering in fear.   
  
Rhonda simply laughed as she and Alex ran past the elf still in search of Coon. Karine had not been so lucky as she stepped out a certain ranger was waiting for her and he drugged her and picked her up gently to carry her off to the same room the rest were in. As he was about to place her on the floor next to the others a thought came to his mind.   
  
Why not find out how in the world this girl's mind worked and her cohort in crime to. They knew so many evil things and he needed some new pranks to get back at the twins so he scooped up Karine and Trin and ran for the door. All the way down the hall and into the attic he went. He would interrogate them and find out what they knew and how to use it the next time the twins tried anything.   
  
Meanwhile, Rhonda and Alex stood eyeballing the elf. Neither side moving an inch.   
  
"Watch this." Rhonda said and she grabbed the whipped cream off the counter and shook it at the elf. He took off running and Alex and Rhonda gave chase. That was until they ran right into Elrond. There behind him stood a cowering elf with blond hair.   
  
"Prissy elf come from behind the elf lord. We only wanted to have some fun with you."   
  
Elrond started forward on the two girls and they took off in search of some help. Wanda could be heard screeching from the other room as she and Cor ran from Saber.   
  
They all met in the hallway and glared at one another. No one was gonna give an inch and then they heard it. Laughing as if the ceiling were talking to them. Little did they know that Aragorn had taken Trin and Karine and woken Trin from her sleep and at this very moment they were divulging all their secrets to him. Valar help his brothers when he found out all they knew.  
  
***** 


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 11  
  
By Bill the Pony  
  
While all manner of mayhem and conniving was afoot in adjacent and upper rooms, Cassia and Siobhan were both awakening with groggy yawns.   
  
"Gee, must have been one bash up of a party," Sio mumbled, rubbing her tousled hair.   
  
With a grunt, Cassia rolled over, colliding with the infamous inflatable banana. An eyeball peeled back. "I'm beginning to wonder if this was really Aragorn and Legolas's idea. At least, they certainly weren't in charge of the," she coughed, "décor."   
  
Sio rolled a leftover cheese wheel closer with her foot. "You think?" She glanced down, a hiccupping chuckle brewing subconsciously. "Cheese wheel…"  
  
Flipping onto her back, Cassia threw a bewildered look at her cohort. "What are you on about?"  
  
"Kellen's as bad as us, you realize."  
  
"Explain?"  
  
"Cheese wheel…"  
  
---  
  
At that very moment, the very same authoress was prowling the halls in search of another lesser authoress. Matters were made a bit more complicated due to the slightly purplish hue of her appearance. There was her pride to consider after all.   
  
She was just rounding the last turn to Aragorn's chambers when she was unexpectedly broadsided by a great mass of charm and villainy.   
  
"What ho? A foe?" Kaldur windmilled wildly, just managing to keep his feet while Kellen staggered into the opposite wall. "Ah, a purple foe!"  
  
"Bugger off, have no time. Must whoop Elladan's posterior. Find Bill. Wash hair. Eat cake."   
  
"Slow down, slow down, Dear. Now," Kaldur stepped smoothly into Kellen's path, "what can a bandit do to help this maiden in distress?"   
  
Kellen's former, congenial, attitude towards the bandit had been quite misplaced amongst a fit of purple. She had no time for wooing this time. "Clean the earwax out, man! I said bugger off! Come back when I'm back to my normal skin tone."  
  
Kaldur blinked as if – and it was – the very first time any breathing female creature fended off his charm. This was to say; he had not yet in earlier meetings made any such moves towards a certain undesirable Bill. He would have found likewise the same disappointment from that front much earlier.   
  
Kellen breezed past him, leaving the much-befuddled bandit in her wake. Kaldur could only chew a nail and wander back towards the main hub of the festivities with a puzzled expression.   
  
---  
  
"You!"  
  
Elladan started, whirling around in a defensive stance with his back to the wall. From the doorway in the opposite wall, a face, a mirror to his own likeness, stared back at him. "Elrohir, really, must you persist on startling me like that?"  
  
"You!"  
  
A wrinkle creased Elladan's brow. His brother's mouth had not moved. No, he realized with terrifying clarity, came not from Elrohir's mouth, but from directly down the hall…  
  
…From the mouth of one such purple fiend.   
  
"By all the star's sake, Elrohir, let me in!" Elladan lunged towards the escape Elrohir blocked.  
  
He collided with a very heavy oaken door – trapped, alone, left to fend off the purple-ified writer on his own.  
  
Well, not completely alone. Muffled voices were coming from the other side of the door, and at the moment he was sure to be devoured, the door swung back open. Oh, joy! His savior had come, sure to appear in a blaze of glory to rescue him from torment's claws.  
  
His savior it was, though not so magnificent as expected. She was rather short, stocky, dressed in a blue, cloud and squeaky yellow duck print bathrobe and wielding a fearsome squeegee.   
  
"Kellen! Well it's about time you showed up." Both eyes squinted – since it is known that Bill cannot for the life of her harness her motor skills to master the skill of controlling only one eye over the other. "You haven't brought anymore of those squeally ones with you?"  
  
However, Kellen had eyes only for revenge. She made a go at Elladan's throat. Bill got there first, catching the tail end of Elladan's dark hair and pulling him out of Kellen's reach inside the room.  
  
She was just about to make another attempt after him when from inside, a noise – a voice more particularly – made her stop abruptly in her tracks. It was Trin, unmistakably, and she was cooing some endearment to one such Aragorn.  
  
Bill hissed at Kellen, "Look, it wasn't my idea. That smelly chap got this strange notion to backfire the girls' scheme. I got stuck on this side of the line by pure chance of location." She glanced up and down the hall. "Well there's no use for it now, you're stuck with us, er, I mean them. Just," Bill looked at Kellen imploringly, "please keep the Elf intact?"   
  
Pulling her inside, the pajama clad Bill shut the door hastily behind them. Trin stopped mid-giggle and stared long and hard at Kellen.  
  
"What."  
  
Trin made several attempts to form a legitimate string of words. Eventually she managed, "You're purple!"  
  
Hackles rose. "I thought it was a rather nice shade, personally." A benevolent look pinned Elladan to the wall.  
  
"Quit fretting, just a smudge, really."  
  
"Bill," Kellen said slowly, tilting her head towards her shorter companion warningly.   
  
"All right, all right."  
  
---  
  
Ten minutes later and all fingernails devoured, Trin had re-related her 'spilled beans' to the new comers.   
  
"So you see, it was all a plot really… Elladan, Elrohir, stop looking so innocent! You were apart of this too if you remember." Trin poked the dosing Karine with her toe ill temperedly.   
  
"I should have seen it from the start. The moment any gaggle of girls with strange new devilry named Inflatable Bananas show up, there is bound to be some foolery afoot." Aragorn tapped his chin. "At least we have you two in our custody, that is, you two and the Twin Terrors." He clicked his tongue, eyeing the floor absentmindedly. "Now if only we could get Legolas out of the battle field and out of harms way."  
  
Trin perked up at the mention of new, desirous company. "Legolas you say? Oh, Karine and I could probably do that quite – "  
  
"Not a chance," the Ranger interrupted. "Legolas is quite the proverbial chicken when it comes to dealing with the fairer sex. However I would hardly place you two in the genteel category," he leveled a withering glare on the duo.   
  
Kellen, who had been occupying the plush armchair in the back corner of the room, waved a hand. "Now, if I may make so bold as to insert my professional eye witness information, last I saw of the chicken-elf as you named him, he was clinging to Elrond's robe like an elf babe." She coughed, "I fear that Trin's cohorts may have permanently damaged him. So…we could just forget him and get on with the business of sweet revenge?"  
  
Except for the crunching of a macadamia nut chocolate that Bill had found under Estel's wardrobe, there was silence. Then Aragorn sighed. "Considering the situation, Kellen may be correct for once. After all, Legolas will have to learn to stand up to them eventually."   
  
"Goody," Bill managed around the nut, "what's next?"   
  
Aragorn turned towards the window, his finger still tapping against his chin. "For starters, how's your crawling?"   
  
---  
  
"Oh look Kellen, a crack in the tile. We should probably tell Elrond about that later."  
  
Bill stopped crawling to inspect the crack, causing Kellen stop abruptly as well, causing Elladan to pile up on Kellen and Elrohir to do likewise to Elladan. "Bill!" all three hissed, "This is not the time to be inspecting his flooring!" Elladan added.   
  
"Fine, fine, don't be so huffy. Really, whichever one you are, you're much to up tight all in all. It's not as if anyone huggled you or anything."   
  
With that, they rearranged long tablecloth covering the equally long table and started crawling once more.  
  
Bill by far had it the easiest, being the shortest of the four. In fact, this all came rather naturally to her as she spent most of her time either flat out on the floor, draped across chair in slumber or crawling about the floor in search off odd trinkets that tended to be shoved under furniture and the like. She being at the head of the table, with two eye holes cut out of the fine table cloth for visibility found no end to the enjoyment of traversing the halls and stairways on all fours, taking frequent abrupt swerves at the site of some glittering object – creating a mess of legs, arms and heads entangled in her wake.   
  
Bill had been given a mission. Search and destroy. Take all they could and give nothing back (this being a direct quote from Aragorn who had obviously been spending excessive time in the company of Kaldur). Food pillaging and havoc. What more could she ask for? Stealth was essential, it was an assignment for which disguise was mandatory – what better than furniture! It was a mission to wreak paranoia.   
  
Taking a peep through her eyeholes, Bill made a small squeak and swerved towards the top step of the stairs. "Red alert! Balrog in site!"  
  
"What the…"  
  
"Code words, Kellen," Bill hissed. "Haven't you ever watched a movie in your life? Yeesh. Now hush up! It's Kaldur."  
  
Kellen gnashed her teeth. "I thought I told him to bugger off."  
  
Bill wadded her bathrobe sash and pointed at Kellen's mouth. Silence fell and so did the legs of the table.   
  
Kaldur was lost. The architect who laid the floor plan for this place obviously had no inclination to cater to practicality. Once hall led into another it seemed and one room to another. But wait, he must be getting somewhere. Even though he would have sworn on his toe jam that he'd been up this short flight of stairs before, he was positive that table was unfamiliar.   
  
Inside that very table, Elrohir squirmed. It was terribly cramped and Elladan's hair was irritating his nose. It was becoming unbearable, this tight space. Bill was still crouched at the head of the table, peering through the eyeholes and gnawing on a knuckle. Would that insufferable bandit ever just go away? He had an uncanny knack to show up just when he wasn't wanted.  
  
Then Elladan shifted and so did his hair – the hair that tickled that one spot under Elrohir's nose that was guaranteed to make him sneeze.  
  
And sneeze he did.  
  
The bandit was fed up, he was sure he was going mad. Not only was he lost in Imladris, wandering for goodness knew how long in this cursed place, but he could have sword the table had just sneezed. Narrowing his eyes, he inched forward.   
  
Bill's left eye was beginning to twitch; Kellen knew that to be a pretty bad sign. It always tended to do that when Bill was anxious or aggravated. The shorter of the two nudged Kellen in the ribs. "He's coming over, blast you Unnamed Twin, you'll foil us!" she hissed as softly as she could.   
  
The tablecloth flew up, and Kaldur's scraggly face replaced it. "Ah-ha! I – "  
  
He didn't have a chance to finish before Kellen grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in under beneath the table. Bill pulled the cloth back in place.   
  
"Wow, luv, slow down. You could dislocate something doing that," the bandit whined.   
  
"Shut up, and listen for once," Kellen said, still gripping Kaldur's collar. "This is the price you pay for being nosey. Now, crawl, and do try and be quiet for once."   
  
Elladan shook his head adamantly. "You are surely mad now! You actually think he'll fit under here?"  
  
"There's no room." Elrohir finished. Bill was even beginning to look a bit green at all the close contact.   
  
"It'll be fun." Kellen suddenly put on a bright face. "Just think of it. You, your demon double, the bandit, Bill and I…and with all the cheese and cake we could consume here under the table? What more could one ask for?"  
  
Muttering something about chocolate and her horse, Bill started to crawl again.  
  
So with one more added to their crew, four became five on their mission of revenge.   
  
***** 


	12. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Ch. 12  
  
By Kellen  
  
Aragorn eyed Trin and Kar dubiously. It was moments like these he wished he'd perfected the "eyebrows of doom" long ago.   
  
"Now, the plan," he said.  
  
Trin and Kar exchanged a look, then looked at the man and nodded.  
  
Aragorn, through long association with MCers, sighed and asked, "Repeat the plan to me."  
  
Trin leveled an "eyebrows of doom" look that rivaled Elrond's -- many long hours in front of a mirror paid off sometimes -- at Aragorn while Kar scratched her head and sighed.   
  
"We find Cassia and Sio," Kar said, as if speaking to a child -- well, a child with a sword who knew how to use it and probably wouldn't hesitate running her through with it if he got irritated enough, seeing as how their history together wasn't all warm fuzzies. "Then," she continued, "we tell them what Elladan and Elrohir were up to, and how Coon and Saber were trying to get even more torture on you and Legolas by throwing this party and we will not be sidetracked by nearly naked elves, inflatable bananas, flying arrows or berserk orcs. Whatever is before our path, we will overcome and bring our message to Cassia and Sio."  
  
Aragorn nodded. "What else?"  
  
Trin sighed. "Say nothing of the table."  
  
"Until when?"  
  
"Wait until the opportune moment. Kar, how long do I have to put up with this?"  
  
Aragorn smirked, and answered before Kar could open her mouth. "As long as I say."   
  
Trin and Kar stood in front of the ranger, watching him smirk at them. Finally Aragorn relented. He sighed, uncrossed his arms and spoke. "Fine, go. I have better things to do."  
  
*****  
  
"El-whoever, I would beg of you to please stop doing that!"  
  
"Kaldur! What did I tell you about silence?!"  
  
"I didn't do anything."  
  
"All of you please shut up!"  
  
Four pairs of eyes turned on Bill.   
  
"Yes'm," Kaldur replied with a small flourish -- small because there was no extra room for flourishes under this table.   
  
There was silence for a time as the five of them continued their journey toward the main room.  
  
"El-whoever?"  
  
"Well, I can't tell you two apart."  
  
"Kaldur? El-whoever?"  
  
"I said I can't tell you two apart."  
  
"I say just kill one of 'em and then we wouldn't have to worry," Kellen muttered, turning to glare at Elladan. "Let's start with that one."  
  
The twin Kellen pointed to sighed and said, "I'm Elrohir, Kellen."  
  
Kellen grimaced and pointed to the other twin. "That one, then."  
  
"Kellen," he said. "I'm Elrohir."  
  
Kellen eyed the two Elrohirs for a second before responding. "Get 'em both. No worries then, and more room under this table."  
  
Bill grabbed Kellen's arm. "Just keep crawling."  
  
Kellen sighed. "Going, going, going."  
  
"Gone," Kaldur chimed.   
  
"What did I tell you, Kaldur?"  
  
"Something about silence. Can't quite remember. Did you want it or not?"  
  
"Just keep crawling, Kellen," Bill murmured, her knuckles going white with the effort of not throttling Kaldur herself. "Keep crawling."  
  
Silence reigned for a few blessed moments before Bill herself broke it. "Elf, ten o'clock."  
  
"Huh? It's so not ten."  
  
"Kellen!" Bill hissed. "Ten o'clock means... Oh, never mind. Just shush up."  
  
"Who is it?" Elladan asked.  
  
Bill smirked. "One very traumatized prince of Mirkwood, judging by the look on his face."  
  
"Traumatized?" Kaldur snorted. "Not yet..." He grabbed an unsuspecting Elladan's arm and shoved him into Kellen, who promptly responded by shrieking -- surprise or anger, no one was sure, but the damage was done.   
  
Something thunked into the top of the table, which, judging by the look on Bill's face, was not good.  
  
"Guys, stop!!" Bill yelled, gazing out into the hallway.   
  
*****  
  
Legolas walked warily down the hallway. MCers had taken over. His gaze traveled over everything, taking it all in, hoping against hope... was that a table in the middle of the hall?  
  
He heard some hissed words, and looked around for the source, heard more, and finally his gaze rested on the table. The sounds had come from the table.  
  
He was going mad.  
  
Then the table shrieked.  
  
Without thinking too much about what he was doing, he had an arrow aimed at the table, and fired. The arrow buried itself into the wooden tabletop, effectively pinning the tablecloth on. It was then he heard a frantic "Guys, stop!" and the elf prince buried his head in one hand.   
  
Not only did he just shoot a table, but he nearly killed the one MCer who might actually protect him from the rest of the craziness.  
  
"Hello, Bill."  
  
The table cloth moved, and Bill stuck her head out, Kellen right behind. Kellen waved. Bill frowned, craning her neck to see the arrow still quivering in the tabletop, and then landing a gaze worthy of Thranduil himself on the harried prince.   
  
"Sorry about the arrow."  
  
Kellen smirked. "I don't know. I think it adds a little something, don't you think?"  
  
"It is a nice centerpiece," Legolas agreed.  
  
"Were it in the center," Bill finished.   
  
"Wasn't aiming for the center," the prince huffed. Then, as if the thought just occurred to him. "Why are you crawling around under table?" He peered in. "And who all is under there?"  
  
"Under where?" Kaldur chimed.   
  
"Shut up," a chorus responded.  
  
"Never mind," Legolas said and started to move away.  
  
Bill smirked. "Come here."  
  
"Not a chance."  
  
"Legolas!"  
  
"Tell me what you want from over there."  
  
Bill huffed. "Fine. We're Aragorn's revenge. Want in on it?"  
  
"How is a moving, talking table Aragorn's revenge?"  
  
"We haven't quite figured that out," Kellen responded. "Still, it's inane. It's bound to wreak havoc."  
  
Legolas smiled. "Where do I sign up?"  
  
*****  
  
Cassia eyed the giant inflatable banana in her arms. She turned to Sio. "Why am I carrying this again?"  
  
Sio held up her cheese wheel. "Same reason I've got this. It might come in handy."  
  
Cassia tried to respond but was cut short by a shriek, thudding footsteps and a body impacting hers at full speed. She went down, trying desperately to keep the banana -- wonderful weapon that it was -- between her and her attacker. "Sio, a little help!"  
  
"Let go of the banana, Cassia."  
  
Cassia shook her head. It was the only thing between her and ... Trin. Cassia let go and scrambled away as Trin wrapped her arms around the banana and sank in bliss to the floor. For a few moments, there was stunned silence before Sio turned to Kar, who was standing off to the side, wide-eyed, where she'd been pushed against the wall in Trin's desperate banana-dash. "Hey, Kar. What's up?"  
  
That did it. The three of them started laughing, giggling a little a first before erupting into full hysterical laughter.  
  
Trin rocked her banana back and forth.  
  
*****  
  
The table was moving along slowly, not because its "occupants" wanted to, but because with the five of them squashed together, crawling was becoming increasingly difficult, especially with Kellen continually turning around to spear Elladan with a glare or shush Kaldur, who wasn't even talking. It just seemed prudent to remind the bandit of the necessity of silence every once in awhile.   
  
Bill, the intrepid leader of the little group, stopped and turned to swat Kellen's shoulder. "We're never going to get anywhere," she hissed.  
  
Kellen, streaks of purple on her face and clothes and dark hair caked in mostly dried purple paint, hissed back. "And where are we headed?"  
  
Kaldur, sensing a bit of a fight going on, and knowing full well that whatever happened, it would not be best for him, interjected with an inane, "Did I ever tell you how much I love purple?"  
  
Bill and Kellen looked at each other, and turned, as one, to Kaldur. "Shhh!"   
  
"Can't you see we're discussing?"  
  
Kaldur eyed Bill. "Right." He made shooing motions with his hands, while Kellen stared at them -- it was awfully close quarters after all, and Bill, with her non-huggle policy, refused to let anyone within two feet of her.   
  
"You're taking up a load of room," Kellen told him.  
  
Kaldur eyed Kellen, and smirked. "Less than you."  
  
Elladan and Elrohir immediately backed off as much as possible. This could not be good.  
  
It wasn't.  
  
Bill tried to grab the back of Kellen's coat, but missed entirely as Kellen hurled herself at the bandit, who was scooting back closer to the twins. The four of them hit the table legs and the entire table lurched backward, scraping noisily against the tile. Bill ducked as the table moved and suddenly found herself crouched in the hallway, staring at the table as it continued to scrape down the hall. Bill hurriedly scrambled after it and dove back underneath into the melee.   
  
Elladan had tried to pull Kellen off of Kaldur -- not the smartest thing, considering he was the one who'd dumped paint on her head, and the previous fight was forgotten as Elrohir and Kaldur dove to pull apart Elladan and Kellen. Kaldur grabbed Kellen's arms and promptly passed her to Elrohir. "Here, you 'old her, mate."  
  
"Thanks," Elrohir grunted.   
  
Bill grinned at the mess. Tapping Elrohir on the shoulder, she motioned him aside. She leaned in and whispered in Kellen's ear.  
  
The response was immediate. Kellen perked up, turned to Bill, and said "Where?"  
  
Bill chucked a thumb over her shoulder, in the direction they had been going.   
  
"Lead the way," Kellen responded. She then turned to the other three, who where sitting on the floor and staring, bewildered, at Bill and Kellen. "Shush up, guys, and let's go. Bill smells food."  
  
*****  
  
Legolas ran lightly down the hall, keeping his senses alert for any MCers moving around. He had decided to treat this as a siege situation. Rivendell had been invaded. Elrond had enlisted the help on a rogue MCer, by name of Saber, to help stave off the coming war. Cassia and Sio -- Legolas shuddered; he liked the girls, he really did, but seriously, how many times had they almost killed him! -- were, as far as he knew, locked away and unconscious. Of course, knowing them, they had found a way around that. Aragorn had coerced two more MCers into helping him plan revenge upon the rest of the MCers. The elf suppressed a groan. This was one big, huge, whopping mess.   
  
And, to top it all off, five people were crawling around underneath a table, heading for the sleeping MCers.  
  
Legolas had to wonder what in the burning depths of Moria Aragorn had been thinking.   
  
A table moving around was his grand revenge scheme?  
  
Of course, with half-drugged MCers just coming around, it might be amusing. Legolas was almost tempted to change course and head that way, but ultimately decided against such a thing. He was intercepting Trin and Kar, who were supposed to go find Cassia and Sio to tell them what was going on.   
  
Problem was, with those four together, who knew what they might come up with.  
  
He was going to confiscate any and all writing utensils, tell them what was going on and plainly forbid them from any sort of strange revenge. There was quite enough of that going around.  
  
After all, he was a prince of Mirkwood, a fairly powerful elf lord in his own right. They would listen.  
  
He hoped.  
  
*****  
  
Meril groaned. She blinked, confused, before realizing that she was staring at the ceiling. Rivendell had nice ceilings. She lay there for a moment, unwilling to move, quite content in contemplating elven ceilings. That is, until she heard scraping.  
  
At first, she thought it was merely her own mind trying to claw its way to full awareness.   
  
Then, it came again louder.  
  
Thoroughly spooked now, Meril rolled onto her side to find Halo watching her with wide eyes. "Do you hear --"  
  
Halo nodded.  
  
They sat up, and faced toward the doorway through which the scraping could be heard. It seemed forever until even a shadow appeared on the wall behind the doorway. Both girls narrowed their eyes, trying to get their fogged minds to understand what it was they were seeing. The shadow shortened ominously until finally what caused it came into view.  
  
Neither Halo nor Meril said a word as a table nosed around the corner. The corner of the table caught the jamb, causing it to come up short. They heard muffled cursing and the table back up to try the approach again.   
  
The table came into the room, heading unerringly for the cake -- the same one that Bill had poked earlier and inadvertently found Elrohir. Meril and Halo watched for a second more, then both scrambled to their feet.  
  
"The table cursed," Halo breathed.  
  
"Forget that," Meril squeaked. "It was moving."  
  
"Must have been made from an ent."  
  
Meril blinked and turned to stare at Halo. "First off, that's just morbid and secondly, I think you're missing the point. It walked into the room talking."  
  
"And now its eating," whispered Halo, who had not torn her gaze from the table.   
  
Meril blinked and looked. Sure enough, the cake was rapidly disappearing.  
  
"I think I had way too much to drink," Meril whispered.  
  
*****  
  
"Hey, Bill," Kellen whispered, snagging Bill's sleeve, "check it out. We have an audience."  
  
Bill, mouth full of chocolate frosting, rolling her eyes, pulled her arm away and muttered something that Kellen hoped was merely, "eating, leave me alone."  
  
"Bill, seriously."  
  
"Have some cake, luv," Kaldur injected, handing Kellen a handful of frosting rich cake. "Our leader ain't listenin' right now. She's eatin'."  
  
"But-"  
  
Kaldur shoved the cake in Kellen's open mouth.  
  
"Nice move, Kaldur."  
  
Kellen gave Elladan the evil eye for that comment. One more reason to murder a twin. At this point, she cared less which one. One of them had to go. Two of them were too much for the world to handle. She would be doing a public service. Really.  
  
*****  
  
Legolas rounded a corner (convenient, how many corners there were in Rivendell to round), and slid to a stop. "I'm too late."  
  
The scene that greeted him, quite frankly, scared him. Sio and Kar were rolling a cheese wheel back and forth, laughing, while Trin was curled around an inflatable banana on the floor and Cassia stood above them all, laughing hysterically. When the elf spoke, three pairs of eyes -- the fourth fixated on the banana -- turned toward him. Cassia grinned, still laughing.  
  
"Oh, by the Valar, no..."  
  
"Oh, relax, Legolas," Sio said as she rose to her feet. She picked up the cheese wheel, still grinning at Kar. "Let me guess. You have a message."  
  
"Uhm, yes..."  
  
"You won't take no for an answer."  
  
Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Something like that. And before we speak, I want your pencils."  
  
Cassia sighed. "Mine was already taken. No worries."  
  
Legolas held out his hand.   
  
"Oh, fine." Cassia reached into her coat pocket and pulled out another pencil. "Give him your writing utensils, girls." As she handed Legolas the pencils she gathered from Sio and Kar, she said, "Did you want Trin's?"  
  
Legolas sighed. "I'm afraid to try to pry her away from that banana long enough."  
  
Cassia stepped back beside Sio and motioned her to speak. Sio cleared her throat. "You had a message?"  
  
Legolas actually smiled as he launched into the craziness he'd encountered. After he was done, they stood there for a second. Cassia and Sio looked at each other, then Kar, then Legolas. "Bill and Kellen are WHAT?"  
  
Kar giggled. "Sorry. I couldn't tell you. Oath on a ranger and all that."  
  
"Right," Cassia drawled. "Where are they headed?"  
  
"Main party hall," Legolas responded with a grin.  
  
"Sio, this I've got to see."  
  
"Oh, yeah. Kar, bring Trin." Cassia smiled. "Lead the way, oh mighty elf prince."  
  
*****  
  
Cassia stopped short in the doorway and Sio, Kar and Legolas ran into her back, pushing her into the room. "Oh, my dear, sweet..."  
  
"Yeah," Sio echoed, the beginnings of laughter stirring in her throat.  
  
MCers were in various states of awareness. Those most aware were either blabbering incoherently in the corner about demon tables or planning an attack on the table. The table had mangled the cake and had moved on to -- probably at Kellen's insistence -- the cheese trays.  
  
Several MCers snuck up behind the table and were within reach when the table seemed to belch loudly and shudder.   
  
"Oye, that was good."  
  
Cassia giggled. Kaldur. That had to be Kaldur.   
  
MCers scattered at the sudden table noise and movement.  
  
"Legolas, is that your arrow in the tabletop?"  
  
Legolas eyed Sio. "I was tense."  
  
Sio chuckled. Too good. This was too good. "So," she said, "how long do we let this go, eh, Cassia?"  
  
Cassia shook her head and started forward. Sio and Legolas followed, while Kar escorted the banana-dazed Trin to a chair. Cassia approached the table, despite dire warnings from several MCers.  
  
*****  
  
"Bill!" The warning came out more of a squeak as Kellen tugged relentlessly on Bill's sleeve. "Bill! Company."  
  
"I'm eating," was the muffled response.  
  
Elladan and Elrohir exchanged a glance and peered under the hem of the tablecloth on either side of Kellen.   
  
"Bill," Elladan hissed.  
  
"You'd better pay attention," Elrohir finished.   
  
"Move the table," Kaldur ordered, not entirely sure what threat was, but noting the other three's trepidation.  
  
Kellen nodded and the four of them, despite Bill's muffled protests, started moving the table away.  
  
"That table had better stop or I'll have Legolas put a few more arrows into."  
  
"She knows," Kellen breathed as the table stopped. She looked under the cloth again. Sure enough, Legolas had an arrow notched and MCers were scrambling to get out of the way.   
  
"Bill, swallow and do something!"  
  
Bill complied, swallowing and calling out "Hey Cassia!! Sio!! Surprise!!"  
  
When faced with the look from Kellen, Bill shrugged. "You wanted me to do something."  
  
Cassia crossed the room and pulled up at the tablecloth. Elladan grabbed the edge. The last thing he wanted was for Cassia and Sio to know they were down here, too.   
  
Cassia raised at eyebrow. "She has a pencil," Sio said dryly.   
  
Elladan let go.  
  
The two authoresses peered under the table.  
  
"Uhm, hi guys," Kellen said brightly.  
  
"Out," Sio said around a smile.  
  
"But -"  
  
"Out."  
  
"What about them?" Bill asked, pointing to the MCers who were quickly going from bewildered to angry.  
  
Cassia grinned. "Much as you'd deserve to be let to their plotting, their anger will quickly turn to amusement, I'm sure, once they get a load of you guys."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Bill, don't you remember?" Sio laughed. "You're dressed in a bathrobe and Kellen's purple. I think one look at the two of you and, well, the word laughingstock comes to mind."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Sorry, Kellen," Cassia giggled. "But purple is so your color. Now, out."  
  
"Yeah," Sio added. "Let's salvage what's left of this party, huh?"  
  
"Is that my cheese wheel?" Kellen asked as she stood up, joints creaking -- hey, under that table a long time!   
  
"Aren't we missing someone?" Bill asked as she stepped aside to make room for the twins and Kaldur.   
  
Kaldur narrowed his eyes. "And who would that be?"  
  
Bill started to answer but was cut off by a shriek (happens a lot in this chapter, don't it?) and a loud pop, followed by a wail and the sounds of mad scrambling.  
  
Everyone turned to look and found Trin standing over the remains of the banana leveling a look at Aragorn, who was backing away slowly, apologizing as he went.   
  
"What just happened?" Bill asked.  
  
Kellen shrugged, and was immediately echoed by the twins and Kaldur.  
  
Cassia sighed. "I wondered how we were gonna get rid of that thing." She smiled, and clapped her hands, whistling for attention. "Well," she shouted, "Now that we're all here, the party can begin. The real party," she amended, smiling. She glanced sidelong at Sio.   
  
"Check the punch," she whispered.  
  
"I'll have Glorfindel guard it," Sio whispered back. "You do realize Saber's not in here, right?"  
  
Cassia nodded. "I'm willing to bet she had something to do with all this." She turned back to everyone else. "Let's eat!" she crowed, watching in satisfaction as there was a mad dash to the food tables.   
  
Sio caught Bill and Kellen's retreating forms. "You two have already eaten. You two go save Aragorn from Trin."  
  
Kellen glanced at Bill. Bill sighed and steeled herself before walking toward the ranger who was to meet with imminent death for popping the banana, no matter his motives. Kellen followed. "Save Aragorn, console Trin, then we party."  
  
"What happened to washing hair and murdering elves?"  
  
Kellen glanced at Elladan, who was speaking animatedly to Cassia and Sio, no doubt trying to defend himself. "He's immortal. I think there will be plenty of time for that."  
  
Bill chuckled, despite the looming task before them.  
  
*****THE END***** 


	13. Epilogue

DISCLAIMER: This is a story that is written by numerous authors on the Mellon Chronicles list. It was written as a Christmas present for our mommies, Cassia and Siobhan. DO NOT FLAME! I have warned you what this is, so if you don't want to read it, don't.  
  
Epilogue  
  
By Saber  
  
It had been quite a night, one that nobody in fair Imladris would soon forget…or think on without ether shuddering or laughing hysterically. The punch had been protected effectively thanks to Glorfindel (even Bill was reluctant to approach when he started yelling Quenya battle cries at Kaldur and his dubious looking bottle of 'juice…for added flavor'), and after one particularly interesting round of Twister, Legolas vowed NEVER to even LOOK at whipped cream again.   
  
Cassia and Sio watched over it all with indulgent smiles alongside Elrond, taking it upon themselves as list-moms to make sure no one damaged their host's house TOO badly. (Elrond claimed he never really liked that tapestry anyway while liberating Kar of her matches). Not without having fun though…the MCers made sure of that. And who could refuse a good round of 'spin the bottle' when elf lords were involved?  
  
The festivities were winding down now…the dance floor mostly vacant…small groups of people laughing and chatting quietly.  
  
Sio leaned back, tipping her chair back against the wall and sighed contentedly. It was nice to take a break from all the blood and gore and just relax. She didn't even mind the fact that Aragorn and Legolas weren't in immediate peril or seriously injured…though, she reflected with a grin, if they continued teasing Trin about her dearly departed banana things could change rather quickly. The look on her face was growing downright murderous and it had already taken four elves to pry her fingers from Aragorn's neck after the first incident.  
  
The author glanced up as Cassia straddled a chair next to her, holding a plate with a piece of cake in one hand and an envelope with embossed stars and leaves in the other.   
  
She grinned, gesturing to the plate, "Did you have to fight Bill for the last slice of cake?"  
  
Cassia laughed and flashed her friend a wicked smile, "She saw me eyeing the cheese knife and left to finish off the finger foods." Extending a hand, she handed Sio the elegant packet, "I found this next to the fruit."  
  
Taking the envelope, Sio examined the wax seal, "Hmm…C&S…do you think that's us?"  
  
Cassia rolled her eyes, "No, I think its Cor and Sparx. Honestly…who else is so often   
  
referred to as one person rather then two?"  
  
"RichandAmy from the 'Zits' comic strip?"  
  
"Besides them."  
  
Sio nodded, "I see your point. In that case I suppose I should open it."  
  
For her part Cassia only shrugged and speared her cake with her fork. Or rather tried to.   
  
The plastic shattered leaving her with one prong attached to the handle rather then four.   
  
"Wow," she murmured, eyeing the cake, "I SO do not want to know how many preservatives are in this…"  
  
Breaking the red seal and carefully unfolding the letter, Sio's eyes widened as they scanned the text.  
  
"What is it?" Cassia asked curiously, leaning over and trying to look over her co-author's shoulder. She only succeeded in getting frosting in Sio's hair. Absently she dabbed at the chocolate blob with a napkin while still trying to gain a better view of the paper.  
  
"Dear Cassia and Siobhan…"  
  
Gradually the entire room quieted as Sio read the letter aloud.  
  
"There is so much to be said and yet so little time in which to say it. Because of this we will come straight to our point.  
  
"Over the years, we have suffered greatly at your hands. We have endured, attack after attack from man, orc, spider, wolf, warg, troll, even oversized lizard and carnivorous plant. We have been tortured at the hands of madmen-and elves for that matter. Beaten not only by whips but also the forces of nature; from simple storms to mammoth earthquakes. Imprisoned, enslaved, mentally and physically scarred for the rest of our mortal and immortal lives."  
  
A murmur a familiarity rippled through the room, and all eyes were glued on Aragorn and Legolas and the pair shifted uncomfortably at the attention. Aragorn cast a questioning glance across the room at his father but the elf lord only shrugged with a small frown.  
  
Sio continued to read, unfazed by the changed atmosphere, "But after all of this, we have come to a realization. That it is because of these hardships that our friendship has become the strong anchor it is today. Nothing short of death can ever hope to break the bond we now share…and we find ourselves questioning even that."  
  
Here Sio had to stop and brush a tear out of her eye. Cassia handed her a tissue, used (but she didn't seem to notice), and with a shaky breath she continued to read, "In this season where so often we all take time to thank Illuvatar for our friends and loved ones, we two felt that we could not, in good conscience, let one more year go by without thanking you both for everything you have done for us. Words seem insignificant compared to the amount of gratitude filling our hearts.  
  
"We greatly look forward to further strengthening of our friendship and we have complete faith in your judgment of how that should be best accomplished. Please, don't hold back. There's nothing we can't handle together. Our many thanks always go with you…signed   
  
Aragorn son of Arathorn, and Legolas Greenleaf."  
  
Kleenex were passed all around as sniffling could be heard from every corner.  
  
"That was beautiful," Cassia dabbed her eyes and gripped Sio's shoulder with a comforting hand.  
  
"I…I had no idea…" Sio stammered, seemingly overcome with emotion and still staring at the letter.  
  
Aragorn and Legolas had grown steadily paler as the authoress read and now they looked completely and utterly horrified. Kaldur slid up to the distraught friends, " 'ave you both gone mad??" he hissed in the ranger's ear, "Bloody hell…by the sounds of that letter the two of you have a death wish!"  
  
"I didn't write it!" Aragorn protested, raising his arms in defense. "I knew nothing about it! Legolas…?"  
  
"Nor did I Estel," the elf shook his head, wide frightened eyes resembling a deer caught in a hunter's snare.  
  
Cassia and Sio were huddled together talking in hushed but excited tones and Legolas frowned. With a waved hand at Aragorn he crept closer to the pair till his elven ears could pick up what they were saying.  
  
"…three stories so far."  
  
"That's not enough…you heard what they wrote, the fate of their friendship rests in our hands! We can't disappoint them…think of how traumatic it would be!"  
  
"Agreed, and I'm definitely intrigued by this concept of 'not even death can break it'…this might be something we need to test."  
  
"Oh what fun! Let's get started right away!"  
  
The two broke their huddle with bright grins on their faces.   
  
Legolas looked ill. Face a ghostly white far beyond his normal fair complexion, he stumbled back only to have Aragorn catch his shoulders and steady him. The man had not heard the author's conversation but he read every word in his friend's look of heartfelt dismay. The pair groaned in unison.   
  
Turning to the lingering gaggle of MCers, Sio raised her Pepsi can in a salute, "Thank you for the wonderful party my friends. But Cassia and I have work to do that is of the utmost importance. Farewell!"  
  
The two headed for the stables talking animatedly about torture techniques, natural disasters, a new breed of spider, and other ways to 'preserve the comradeship' of their favorite friends.  
  
Rhonda leaned over to Cor and whispered, "Who wrote the letter?"  
  
Cor giggled, "Me and Saber. That was the whole point of this party, remember? To play a joke on Aragorn and Legolas AND get more stories out of Cassia and Sio all in one sweep. You didn't think we'd forget about it just because of a few incidents with bananas and a thong did you?"   
  
For a heartbeat all was silent.  
  
"Sweet Eru it worked!!!" Kellen shrieked from her perch on the mantle, looking surprised, but quite pleased with how things had turned out. She stood, balancing carefully on the narrow ledge and raised her arms, "We did it girls! TIME TO CELEBRATE!!!" she whooped before loosing her balance and falling…only to be caught, quite conveniently, by Kaldur a moment later.   
  
He grinned, "'Ello luv…" he gestured with one eyebrow to a bottle filled with amber liquid sitting just out of reach, "…rum?"  
  
"Absolutely!" was the immediate response accompanied by a grin of her own.  
  
And in a dark out of the way corner of Imladris, away from the prying eyes of peeved elves or rangers, Saber and Coon high-fived each other.  
  
"Mission accomplished mellon nin!" 


End file.
